How dogs prepare you for parenthood

I once saw in a movie how people in 12-step programs are told to get a plant, keep it alive for 6 months, then get a dog; after another 6 months they can start dating. Why, because dogs prepare you for parenthood the way no other creature can.

The typical day in the life of a pet parent starts early: let the dog out to go pee. If they happen to be puppies or a new dog, this can also involve following them around waiting for them to do their business in the wee hours of the morning so that you can give them praise in the hopes they won’t perform the same act in the house.

Then you make yourself a cup of coffee or tea, or some other caffeinated beverage to jump-start your brain. While you fix your cup, you wonder why you didn’t do this before you went outside with the dog.

You manage to feed the dog while not spilling your coffee into their food bowl, because heaven knows the dog has enough energy first thing in the morning and should be sharing it with you.

You attempt to dress for work and let dog outside to run one more time before attempting to crate it and bolting out the door.

Remember to buy lots of lint removers, or like one friend does, buy clothes the color of your dog; she wears a lot of beige to match her golden retrievers hair.










Where are the dog treats?

Who would take the dog treats off the counter? What is the box doing in the bathroom? Oh yeah, that’s right, you had to bathe it last night after a run-in with something smelly.

The box is empty, but that was a brand new box, as you feel eyes upon you and see a droopy head and guilty expression. Yes, you know what I’m talking about, those sad eyes that promise with so much emotion to never do “that” again.

Cursing all the way to the kitchen, you throw the box in the trash and reach for lunchmeat or a cheese slice to tempt the guilty dog into crate. Finally, you lock the crate, grab your keys, and run for the door. STOP, you forgot to turn on the TV so he’ll have something to listen to while you are gone. Okay, now you head for the car. WAIT! You forgot your lunch and more coffee.

Finally out of the driveway and on to work… Yeah! You made it through another morning.

When you return home after a long day, you take a deep breath as you walk to your door. Did he escape? Is there a mess? What will you find behind that door? You slowly open the door, He is still in his crate and very happy to see you.No mess to clean up today.










As your puppy follows your every step in the kitchen, waiting for anything to fall to the floor, you go through the list of what you’re cooking so you know what he can have when it hits the floor and what you have to stop him from grabbing.

 

 

Dinner time. There are two schools of thought on this: one is to feed your dog while you are eating and the other is to feed your dog after. The reasons vary, but if you eat first then feed your dog, that establishes the pack order that dogs need. This is one philosophy I buy into wholeheartedly. I have seen many foster puppies do wonderfully as soon as they realize where they fit in the pack order. But while your dog waits to be fed, he will once again give you those sad eyes and stare at every bite you take or lie under the table hoping you forget he is there so he can grab anything that falls. All that staring and drooling is really tough work.

Walking is a great way to bond and relax with your dog. Plus it has the added benefit of exercise for both of you. Walking is also a great to teach your puppy, just remember, you are in charge, not the dog.

Ahhh, the dog has been fed, walked, gone outside, rewarded, and now you’re ready to relax. Now you can curl up on the couch and watch TV while your pooch plays with a toy. Nope, you are the toy. The next thing you know you’ve missed your favorite show crawling around on the floor to get the toy out from under the table or couch, playing tug or fetch, giving belly rubs, cleaning ears, clipping toenails, or putting the stuffing back into his favorite toy.

Think a shower will be relaxing? Not with him scratching at the door. He wants in. He doesn’t want a bath, he’s just wondering what you’re doing and why you aren’t paying attention to him. And it’s not just when you are taking a shower.






Finally, you hit the couch for some TV for real this time and he curls up next to you in a ball and falls asleep. And you realize there is nothing better than a sleeping dog. How could you not love the little guy? And then he farts.